All I can say is I am trying my best

Like the song goes I tried my best but my best is not good enough. The more I try to make positive changes in my life it seems the rougher my life gets and in the end I say things that people don't like or want to hear.

It is a circle that never ends!!!!! You all know what I am talking about. I can't do it anymore and I won't do it anymore.

I am feeling like it does not matter how hard I try that I will never be able to get it right. I don't want to try anymore.

I have been extremely emotional the last couple of weeks and I can't put into words why it is happening it just is happening.

So I am going to take sometime and think about what is going on in my head that has me feeling this way. I will not be blogging during this time. I think this blog has done all it was designed to do.

Take care of yourselves and each other!!!

19 months how should I celebrate it!!

Tomorrow marks 19 months since the transplant. How should I celebrate it??? I will go to work, go bowling with Team Pittsburgh, going out with Evan and his friends for dinner and bowling. So I will celebrate by living a full day!!!

It is okay to take a break....and not feel guilty about it!!

I am the type of peson that once I make a committment to do something I usually do it regardless of how I feel....I don't like having my time wasted and therefore I hate wasting other peoples time.

But this past Wednesday I decided that I was going to break my own rule....as I have written before I am now eating gluten free.....so it is mostly veggies, fruits, nuts and berries with other forms of protein like chicken and fish....well there is also a downside to this type of eating...sometimes the stomach does not feel all that great and it gives you a kick in the butt. So this Wednesday I did something I usually do not do.....I did not go to Hebrew Class....I did not go bowling.....I basically to Evan to and from school....and later went out to get his Suit from the cleaners and picked up his medication and got all his forms filled out for his weekend away....other then that I slept and relaxed in my chair................Thursday came and I felt a lot better. Truth be told I still feel a little bit guilty...but I am learning to forgive myself. To that end my plans for this weekend is to do nothing that I don't want to do....and do the things I want!!

Have a great weekend!!!!!

Letter G brings you the word of the week

Gratitude is the word for the week......As I was meeting with the wonderful Dr. Ellen last week we talked about all the events of the last couple of weeks......I will not get into the details of what they were here....but let us just say rough does not even begin to describe it. So after our session Dr. Ellen wrote down one word on a slip of paper for me to keep and look at when things are getting tough....

that word was GRATITUDE .......... Why, because when things get tough I need to remember where I was and where I was heading on March 26, 2009, and then I will remember the sacrifice that another family made for me.....I should feel nothing but Gratitude.

Donor Family

I have just written my second letter to my donor's family. I just told them how grateful I am for the gift I have been given. I did tell them that the loved one's heart and my body are getting along just great.

This is the second letter...and I apologized for sending my first letter so soon after the transplant...I told them that I was excited about getting a life but I did not stop to think about their grief.

My hope is that I get a response back. It would be nice.....But the choice is theirs.......May God move their hearts to contact me.

why??

I am writing this post in red....why? I recently attended a conference that spoke on the lower rate of organ transplants in minorities. I knew that organ donations are lower in other ethnic groups but what I heard shocked me. That when most African Americans are first put on dialysis they are not even told about transplantation. WTF is that about.

There are a lot of misconceptions in various ethnic groups about organ donation and organ transplants.

So what can we do about this....one word EDUCATE these various ethnic groups. By talking to them and giving them resources such as C.O.R.E.

so what have we learned today.....Education never stops and this type of Education CAN SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE!!

Detoxing is a Bitch

As I stated in an earlier post I had to once again Detox my body after I fell off my Gluten Free Diet. I began detoxing yesterday and let me tell you it has been rough. I have not perspired so much in my life. My sugar levels are coming down but both yesterday and today I had a few lows. But the sweating is what is killing me....I realize that it is the poison coming out of my system still I am sweating like a ran a marathon. The only good thing is I know that this to shall pass.

It is our actions of yesterday that we pay for in the future.

The things you can do just by asking.

1. I was at an event at a local Temple one Saturday Evening. As I was leaving I saw a man with a walker. On his shirt was a pin that said ask me about my organ donor and on the other side of his shirt was a picture of a young man (I thought that it might have been his grandson) To my surprise Jack told me that he had had a kidney transplant and that the picture in the pin was his organ donor. We started to talk and he asked if I was interested in becoming a volunteer at C.O.R.E. and if I was involved with T.R.I.O. and if I bowled. Yes, no, yes were my answers. So from that one question I am now a volunteer for C.O.R.E. I am joining T.R.I.O. and have become a member of Team Pittsburgh( transplant Olympics) bowling team.

So the morale of the story is.....that one simple questions can make a GREAT BIG change in your life.

Once an Addict....always an Addict

This is a very important lesson that I have learned this week. I started a Gluten Free (GF)Diet at the beginning of June. I fasted for four days from foods except protein drinks and fresh fruits and veggies. It was hard at first finding things that were (GF) that tasted good but I did and even though the cost of eating this way is expensive I felt better. People would offer me all kinds of foods. I would politely decline and explain that I was (GF) and then I would talk about how my energy level was up and my sugar down and my moods a lot better.

However, last Thursday I just wanted a veggie and cheese sub so I ordered a half for lunch. What happened next is what I knew would happen. I began a 2 and a half day binge of anything that had flour or processed ingredients. The results where mortifying. Sugar out all over the place with high readings and then crashes that had me shaking like a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs, my energy level down and my mood let me just say that I can only compare it to the worst case of PMS you could imagine. So what did I do. I got up this morning and started the detox again. Simple protein drinks for breakfast and lunch. Snacks of nuts, fruits, and veggies and a dinner that will be well balanced. Finally lots and lots of water to flush out my system.


What have I learned from this? Great question. I learned that like any addict that has a problem I need to stay away from the stuff. And also like any addiction I need to take it one day at a time.